Return of the Runebound Professor

The auction was already well underway by the time that Jalen stepped through the portal and emerged onto a large, black marble platform alongside Vermil and his demons. Loud yells echoed through the darkened, dome-ceilinged room as noble families yelled out bids for a rune.

Dozens of platforms similar to the one he’d arrived on floated in the air, connected by swaying gold bridges and encircling a huge stage at the center of the room. A woman stood in its center, dressed in a decidedly chilly looking outfit that she most certainly had not suggested herself, yelling out information about the rune that was currently up for auction.

Jalen’s lips thinned as he scanned the room. It had been a long time since he’d last attended an auction… and it hadn’t been long enough.

He hated every part of them.

The posturing noble families, covering their faces to protect their identities like cowards. Promises of alliances made as both parties prepared to drive a dagger into the others’ back. It was a place of fear and cheating. There was nothing interesting. Nothing honorable.

Jalen had seen the same shit play out over and over and over again.

It was boring.

His eyes flicked to Vermil, and a small grin pulled at the corner of his lips.

Something tells me that this one will be different.

An attendant rushed up to them, his long silver robes rippling and nearly tripping the man up. He was late. Jalen was quite certain the man was supposed to have been waiting for any new arrivals, but he couldn’t have been bothered to care.

“Magus Jalen! I—”

Jalen’s hand snapped out, pressing a finger to the other man’s lips. His mind was on other things. Far more important things — such as the ideal trajectory of a thrown dart. It had been too long since he’d had a match against Vermil, and he had no plans of losing their next one.

The absolute last thing he needed right now was some blathering idiot wasting his time.

“Hush,” Jalen said. He shoved the fistful of tickets into the man’s chest with his other hand. “Our platform.”

“Of course, your lordship. Platform 4. It was prepared as quickly as possible. I — uh, we had to remove a lesser noble family. They’ve requested repar—”

Jalen leaned close to the man, pressing his forehead against the other man’s. “Tell them to bring their complaint to the Linwick Estate. Personally. No servants. No retainer mages. The head of their family. If they come… I will see to it that they are rewarded.”

If they’ve actually got the balls to show up, then I’ll be more than happy to pay. They won’t, though. Bunch of blasted pathetic cowering worms.

“Understood,” the attendant stammered, his voice nearly a whimper of horror.

It would have taken everything Jalen had to keep the disgust from his features — so he didn’t even bother trying. That only made the fear in the attendant’s eyes grow. It was a small miracle the man hadn’t collapsed into a puddle by now.

“Masks,” Jalen said, snapping his fingers. “Do I have to do your job for you? Perhaps I should collect your pay and create some children with your wife as well?”

“Of course, of course!” the attendant said with a weak laugh, pulling a string of white porcelain masks from his waist. They each had two holes for the eyes and a flat line where the mouth went, effectively concealing all the features of the one wearing them.

Was the ‘of course’ with reference to my plan to take his wife and job? Or was it to the masks? Gods, I hate these people.

He took the mask from the attendant and slipped it over his face. As much as he hated the masks, they did provide for some interesting opportunities. It was a lot more fun to screw with people when they didn’t know who they were talking to.

The attendant moved along the line to Vermil, handing him a mask. He turned to Lee — and then he froze.

His eyes went wide. He took a step back, the blood rushing from his cheeks and turning his face pale.

“D-d-demon! There’s a demon!”

An observant one, are you? Took you nearly a minute to find one of the 3 demons on the platform five feet away from you. They weren’t even trying to hide their horns. Blithering idiot. 𝐫ἈŊo͍ᛒËȿ

This is good, though. It means we get to skip past the boring bullshit and get to the good part. Bring on the brawl!

Jalen flexed his fingers — and Vermil let out a burst of laughter.

“Demon?” Vermil asked. “Don’t be an idiot.”

The attendant hesitated, taken off guard by the mocking amusement in Vermil’s voice. “What?”

“Would a demon let me do this?” Vermil asked, wrapping an arm around Lee’s shoulders and ruffling her hair with the other hand. Lee did absolutely nothing to stop him, and Vermil slipped her a piece of beef jerky before releasing her.

What is she, a dog?

That looks like it feels kind of nice, actually.

That thought passed through Jalen’s head before he’d even registered it. The old mage blinked, then pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers.

It’s been too long since I’ve been in a relationship. I wonder if any of the old ladies from my generation are still alive. I’m sure one of them is kicking somewhere.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

“I don’t know,” the attendant said, some of the fear leaving his features. Some, but not all. “I’ve never seen a demon… but she has horns!”

Vemril arched an eyebrow. He flicked one of Lee’s horns gently. “She’s not the only one, friend. Look around at the rest of our party.”

The attendant’s eyes went wide once more. “Three demons!”n/ô/vel/b//jn dot c//om

“You’re a dense one, aren’t you?” Vermil asked as he shook his head. “This is my daughter and her friends. They’re dressed up for her birthday.”

“They’re dressed up… as demons?” The attendant swallowed. His back relaxed. “She’s your daughter?”

Jalen nearly laughed on the spot. The coward clung to the promise of safety over what his own senses told him. He was so desperate for safety that he would believe Vermil said.

“Yes.”

“Can I… touch the horns? To make sure?” the attendant asked weakly. “It’s part of my job.”

Huh. Maybe he’s got a bit of a spine after all.

“Feel free, but if you touch my daughter, I’m going to rip your heart out and feed it back to you,” Vermil said with a cheerful smile.

The attendant paled once again. The blood was rushing in and out of his face at such a rate that Jalen was starting to wonder if the man was going to pass out.

“On second thought… I’m sure it’ll be fine,” the man said meekly. He handed out the masks to Vermil, who distributed them to Lee and Aylin. Yoru had brought her own mask, and she made no moves to replace hers with the shoddy white one.

So much for his spine.

“Pleasure,” Jalen said the moment everyone had pulled their masks on. He snapped his fingers and drew on his runes.

Purple energy swirled around all of them and they snapped out of existence, reforming upon Platform 4.

It was, like all the other platforms, painfully gaudy. Silver-trimmed obsidian railing ringed it, covered with beautiful designs that had no place being wasted in a dark room like this. Large chairs covered with soft cushions were arranged in the center, allowing them to sit and look down on the platform like the arrogant little stuffy nobles they were.

“Incredible,” Aylin breathed as he shook the effects of Jalen’s magic off. “I wish I had Space Runes. I’ve never felt control like this.”

Little flatterer. That won’t work on me.

“It is a very powerful ability,” Yoru said quietly. She looked around the room platform — she barely stood taller than the railing surrounding the platform, then back at the chair behind herself.

She made to sit down, but her long silver hair got in the way. It would have been relatively easy for her to push it out of the way if she’d had hands.

Unfortuantely, she did not.

Jalen flicked a finger and a band of purple stretched out, moving her hair to the side as she lowered herself into the chair. Yoru glanced at him in surprise, then inclined her head slightly.

“Thank you.”

He grunted in response.

Vermil hadn’t told him what had happened to cause Yoru to lose her arms, but something had seriously changed in the demon in the time it had taken him to get tickets to the auction. It was hard to place exactly what it was. If he’d been forced to find a way to describe it, Jalen would have said that she felt more… there.

Well, and that she no longer has arms. That’s a pretty big change.

Everyone other than Vermil and Jalen sat down in the plush chairs. Lee pulled her mask back to take a bite out of her armrest, then wrinkled her nose.

“It smelled like flowers, but it tastes like dirt.” That did nothing to stop her from chewing and swallowing the bit of furniture.

“That would be the perfume,” Jalen said, his lips curling in distaste. “Horrible choice, really. They should have gone with something more exciting than whatever this flowery rose shit is. I can see it now: burnt pickles. That would be exotic.”

“My understanding of nobility leads me to believe they would likely not appreciate that smell… unless humans have very different olfactory appreciation than demons,” Alyin said.

“Oh, we love pickles,” Jalen said. “Especially burnt ones. You should give one to every highly ranked human you meet. It’s a symbol of respect.”

“Understood,” Aylin said. “Thank you for your tutelage. Knowledge from someone like you is always appreciated.”

Okay, the flattery might be getting somewhere.

“You think I’m that intelligent, huh? Wise boy.”

“No,” Aylin said. “You are a Rank 6. I cannot accidentally rip your soul open in the process of learning from you.”

Well now I just feel objectified.

Vermil shot Jalen a look through the holes of his mask.

“What?” Jalen asked.

“Stop screwing with my students.”

“You mean your daughter’s birthday attendees? Speaking of which, what does that make me? The godfather?”

“Hired clown,” Vermil replied. He approached the edge of the railing, shifting the book on his shoulder down to the ground and pulling several sheafs of Catchpaper out from within it before slinging it back over his shoulder.

“Ouch,” Jalen said, taking full advantage of his mask to grin unabashedly. “So what’s the plan, Birthday Dad? I trust you’ve got a good reason to go through the effort of getting to this auction.”

“Oh, I’ve got something like that,” Vermil said. He adjusted the hood of the coat he’d taken from Moxie to make sure it fully covered his head. Jalen couldn’t even see his mask beneath it. “You know, I was thinking on what the best way to approach this would be. Most of my ideas took a whole lot of political maneuvering that I really couldn’t be bothered to do. I just need a lot of runes… and quickly.”

“So what did you decide on?” Jalen asked, leaning forward.

“This,” Vermil replied.

Then he jumped over the edge of the platform.

Moxie’s white cloak fluttered around him as he fell down, slowing his fall with a burst of wind a moment before he landed upon the stage beside the female auctioneer. She sputtered off, midway through some speech about a worthless rune, and her eyes went wide.

“Sir! Please remain on your platform! Customers are not allowed to—”

“Hush now,” Vermil said, his voice far darker than Jalen recalled it. Something… uneasy lingered just beneath his words. It was enough to set even Jalen’s skin on edge. Vermil put a hand on the woman’s shoulder. “I’m afraid I need a moment of everyone’s time.”

A guard stepped out from the shadows.

“Come with me,” the man said. “You’ll be leaving the premises.”

“No,” Vermil said, cocking his head to the side. “I won’t be doing that.”

The man went to respond — and his eyes went wide. The fire covering his palms snuffed out and he grasped at his throat, trying and failing to draw a breath.

“What is this?” he wheezed.

Uneasy murmurs passed through the auction, and more guards stepped out of the shadows. Jalen leaned forward in his seat, delight passing over his features.

“Relax,” Vermil said, lowering his hands. The guard drew in a ragged breath and scrambled back to the safety of his allies. Vermil did nothing to stop him. “I come today bearing a business proposition.”

“Who in the Damned Plains are you?” someone yelled from right beside Jalen — and he turned to realize that it had been Aylin.

The demon winked at Jalen from behind his mask.

“That is an unintentionally apt way to phrase that question,” Vermil said with a booming chuckle. “My name is Spider. I have passed through the Damned Plains. I have killed men and demons alike that are more powerful than you could have ever imagined — and I have come to offer you all a very special deal.”

There was an instant of stunned silence.

“He’s a demon!” a woman screamed. “There’s a demon in the auction!”

“I can’t tell what Rank he is! I can’t read him at all!” a man called out, fear gripping his words.

The room exploded into chaos.

That was quite fortunate, as it covered Jalen’s roaring laughter perfectly.

This is going to be even better than I imagined.